CRA: “We sent you an email telling you that you have important online mail about your taxes! You better log into your online account to see what it is!”
Me: “Oh boy – I’d better get on that.”
Gathers relevant information (amount from line 15000 of my most recent return, mother’s maiden name, date of oldest child’s first dentist appointment). Goes to computer.
Log in attempt #1:
CRA: “You can use our partner portal.”
Me: ”Great, I’ll do that.”
CRA: ”Enter your banking info.”
Me: ”Done. Can you please show me my important mail now?”
CRA: “Not so fast. We need to be sure that it’s you. Enter your SIN, DOB and the amount from line 15000.”
Me: ”Done. Can you please show me my important mail now?”
CRA: “Wait a minute…you already have an account with us.”
Me: “Yes I know. And I gave you all that other info to prove it.”
CRA: “Yeah, but you already have an account. Try something else.”
Me: “Like what?.”
CRA: “Bye.”
Log in attempt #2:
CRA: “Maybe try logging-in with your user ID and password. We know you exist because we sent you an email.”
Me: ”Great, I’ll do that. What’s my user ID?”
CRA: “Not so fast. Click here first and enter your email address.”
Me: ”Done. Can you please show me my important mail now?”
CRA: “Nah. You don’t exist. Maybe you should try the partner portal?”
Call attempt #1:
CRA: “Welcome. Just know that we are recording EVERYTHING. Even when you are on hold. Oh, and it will be 45 mins to 8 hours before we answer. And you’d better be on your best behaviour at all times or so help us we will pull over and stop this call in an instant, buster!”
Me: silence. Radio in the background. CBC just to be on the safe side.
CRA: “Hey! Press one to fill out a survey after the call about our customer service.”
Me: “1”
20 mins later
CRA: “Your call is important to us”
Me: (100% in my head – I did NOT say this out loud) “yeah, right”
CRA: “What did you say? click.”
How’s your day going?
